Educated Aging

This morning, I opened my email to find another notification from Quora. I know it is the algorithm selecting articles on narcissism and aging, but I keep clicking to open them. The questions and comments continue to intrigue me, and I often find them amusing. 

Obviously, growing older intrigues a great many people. Most of us will get there one day, or we have already arrived. 

The questions range widely. What causes the old person smell? What do older people do during their day? What is life really like after sixty-five or seventy? 

Yesterday, I sent a message to two young men who are sons of my heart. I shared a video featuring Dolly Parton with Queen Latifah, Miley Cyrus, Lainey Wilson, and Reba McEntire. They responded with heart emojis, and one commented that it was Dolly’s birthday. She had turned eighty. “That was great,” he said. 

They sang a new rendition of “Light of a Clear Blue Morning,” and Dolly closed with the words, “Everything is going to be okay.” When I woke up far too early this morning, that phrase stayed with me. Getting older is a continuous part of my thinking world, and like many others, I hold on to the hope that everything “is” going to be okay. 

Some days are diamonds, and some days are stones. John Denver sang those lines beautifully. 

From an early age, I loved being around older people, especially my grandmothers and my great-grandmother. They were wise, funny, and content. I never sensed anything to fear. In fact, I found myself looking forward to becoming an old woman. I wanted to be like them when I grew up and grew older. I especially looked forward to being able to say exactly what I thought, just as my great-grandmother did. 

Michelle Shocked’s song, “When I Grow Up,” became my fight song. The opening line says, “When I grow up, I want to be an old woman.” Well, here I am.

In the early 2000s, and for the seventeen years that followed, I transformed my private therapy practice into a house-call practice. I was in my fifties at the time. Every day, I entered the homes of older adults and came to know them well. Some homes carried what people refer to as the “old person smell,” but most did not. Some individuals were bitter and angry, and some were terrified. Many were peaceful and content. 

My goal was to help those who were terrified, bitter, or angry, and to learn from those who were at peace and genuinely felt gratitude. The content ones had discovered their own secrets for being okay. 

There was no single magic formula. Some had no family support, or no family at all. Many had limited finances or no impressive portfolio. They simply seemed to love life and being in their own skin of wrinkles, gray hair, and moving more cautiously. 

Though they had different backgrounds, life traumas, and histories, they seemed to enjoy a sense of spirit and connection to others. They often loved to share their experiences and tell their stories. I soaked up every bit of wisdom they were willing to offer, and each had a secret recipe for living.

I did not have to post questions on social media to find out what it was like to get older. I went to the source. It was a seventeen-year education in aging. These are the gems I have saved for my own time of getting older.  

Find connections and don’t depend on your family to be your sole connections and helpers. I found connections through walking. They became my social and sanity walks. I made it a point to smile and say “hello” to most people. There were some who would not look at me, but I would smile and keep walking. Over time, those I saw regularly were wanting to talk and exchange names. Some of the ones who would not look up began to smile back. 

Some of these people are now dear friends. We are able to help each other with rides when needed, such as an occasional trip to the doctor or picking up a forgotten item at the grocery store. We check on each other, especially if one is feeling under the weather. We have now celebrated three Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners together.  It began with a simple smile and a greeting.  

Sharing a smile is something I learned from my dad. In his later years, he asked me to design business cards that read, “Happy Senior, Share a Smile Today!” He told me, “I see people moving around with a scowl or frown on their face. I will hand them one of my cards. If I can help one person smile each day, I have had a good day.” 

Other Gems: Things We Can All Practice 

Get creative. Do the art, crafts, music, dancing, writing, reading, cooking, or gardening that you never had time to do. You do not have to be an expert. You only need to have fun and find joy in creating and learning. 

Find ways to get into good trouble. Volunteer, donate, or raise money for a food bank. Join a group that is promoting humanity, become an advocate, recycle, or participate in a peaceful action. Help a neighbor or a friend.   

Move. Movement is medicine. It does not matter if it is on both feet, from a chair, or wheelchair. Movement improves physical and mental well-being and will improve your sleep. SilverSneakers offers an abundance of videos for safe exercises for the aging population. 

SilverSneakers videos: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=SilverSneakers+Channel 

or SilverSneakers website: https://tools.silversneakers.com

Prevention and Precaution. Please pay attention to where you are stepping and what unnecessary risks you may be taking. Is climbing that six-foot ladder with a chain saw really a good idea? Is talking to the person behind you or looking off to the side the safest way to walk forward? That little pothole might send you tumbling. Think and be mindful of safe ways to move in your home, driving your car, and doing your daily chores. Precaution is prevention and remember to turn off the eye of the stove. 

Simplify. Use your creative abilities to find ways to make everyday life less complicated and more enjoyable. Make lists, post reminders, daydream about ways to make tasks easier, write them down in a diary or journal, and share those ideas.  

Let go. Start letting go of what you no longer use or need. Decluttering is good for reducing anxiety and depression. You will have less to clean, dust, and build a safer home environment. Please consider reducing the “stuff” your family does not want. Donate or share it with others in need and feel the liberation of “letting go.”  Also, please consider preplanning your end of life. This doesn’t have to be avoided. Consider it a shopping adventure. Plan and prepay for what you want, instead of passing the responsibility on to others.

Hygiene. Clean your body, brush your teeth, and be dressed and prepared each day to be in public. You never know when you might actually have to go somewhere in an emergency for a friend, neighbor, or yourself. You will be relieved to know you changed those undergarments, sweatpants, and top. Be ready for FaceTime.  

Let people help you. When you allow someone to help you, you are giving them a gift. People often “want” to help and consider it an honor. Please don’t be selfish by not allowing those who care for you to give back.  

Laugh. Laugh as often and as freely as possible. We are actually quite comical creatures. Laugh with others and laugh with yourself. Humor is the best medicine and the highest form of language and intelligence. Ha! 

Live! Love! Laugh! Embrace the Process!

“You don't stop laughing when you grow old; you grow old when you stop laughing.”

― George Bernard Shaw

AARP offers resources for most areas of life after age fifty. Search for any subject. 

AARP website: https://www.aarp.org/